A very Human Decision

Do you know what?

I have just decided that I'm not going to do this any more. I do have a choice and my human is saying "NO, no more - it's not happening ANY MORE!"

I'll be honest, I am feeling a little low right now. It's all very well not feeling too great for a couple of days but when it starts to interfere with your life it does become a tad boring. I've had many sleepless nights recently worrying about the lack of running, the lack of energy but most of all the lack of fund raising. It's not that I don't have idea's, I have lots, no what I lack is a bit of courage to ask for help and a few quid to get things going, the cash I can do nothing about but the courage just makes me cross. It's a fear of failing, a fear that no-one will turn up, an endorsement of what I think I already know. Anyway, I don't think I'm fundraiser material.

I felt we were thrown a bit of a life-line yesterday when Shelter sent me an email to say that we have until next Friday to defer our place to next year to allow another runner on their waiting list to run instead. It has led to a great deal of soul searching. Hours I should have been running have been replaced by hours of thinking. The one thing I wanted to do this year was 'better than I did last year' which wasn't, when I set it, a hugely over optimistic goal, but it's sliding now, I'm hanging on by my fingertips to the dream, the last thing in the world I want is to come away this year even more disappointed than I was last year. Each non-running day is another 10 minutes of walking on the day. I can't leave the house or look out of the window without seeing a healthy, young runner speed past and shelter no doubt have a great long list of nimble young things with thousands of extrovert friends who fund raise in their sleep just waiting for me to fail. Right now I'm feeling very old, very tired and a little bit stupid.

I wrote that bit yesterday and have spent hours tweaking, deleting and amending. I've done away with the 'rant', got rid of the bulk of the 'poor me' and then this morning I woke up with my human very much in control.

I need to do a bit of checking out but I do believe that next year might be our best option. If we would have a guaranteed place next year then training would have a goal and we would have a complete year to add to our fund raising. I would love to hear any thoughts, are we letting anyone down?, should we just go for it this year?, will I regret this decision?, I really hope not.

Bugged by Winter Bugs!

Well it's been an interesting couple of weeks!. Just begining to feel a little bit more human again but not there quite yet. I seem to have had a cold now since just after Christmas and I'm really getting a bit tired of it now.

I ran for as long as I possibly could be unfortunately, just as I was starting to step up the pace for the final push, I have come to a grinding halt. I am a long way behind now and getting worried. I remember saying that last year at times but this year there is the added pressure of also being way being with the fundraising. It would be a lot easier if I was feeling 100% now but I'm still not ready to start running again so there is a rising panic that is getting harder to ignore each day.

I need to take this weekend to do a lot of thinking and then I shall come back.

No Running Today

I think you are really too ill to run when you don't even question it. Today, running, walking, moving at all is not an option.

Very odd kind of back to front cold, just when you think you should be feeling better something new crops up!.

Here's hoping it will pass soon and I can get back to it.

Forgot to Mention

Good News, no, Great News!

I sold an ebook today, I think that's around 13 to date . . . I know, it's not exactly mind blowing, but it gives me a little bit of hope. I have this feeling that it's like a snowball that I just need to get rolling - that's my theory, not sure if the theory is chimp or human?

My Chimp's Talking!

Been feeling awful again today, I think this particular cold has a bit of a sting in it's tail. I thought yesterday that I was on the mend and normal services would be resumed very soon but now I'm not so sure. The 6 miles I'm afraid just didn't get started, I couldn't even manage a 40 minute 'move' today. Tea was about as much as I could manage by the time I finished work late . . . . . said the chimp to the human!

No, I know it sounds like an excuse but it's really not. There are times when you just have to accept that you are not well enough to run. Hopefully I can get it all out of my system and get a good clear run up to the marathon. At least the weather and my health have turned at the same time.

If, and it's a big if, but if I feel better tomorrow I will have another go at the 6 miles - even a 40 minute 'move' would be progress right now!

40 Minutes

I think the best we can say about today is that I MOVED for 40 minutes and that was the best that I could do - today, and so that's good enough!. It may impact on my 6 mile run tomorrow or on my 9 mile run on Sunday, but these are consequences I will, as an adult, deal with . . . . . . . . said the human to the chimp!

Not sure if I mentioned it but I'm suffering from my second cold of 2013 which does feel just a little bit unfair. I'm at the can't breathe stage, among a few other things that aren't really cold related!. Anyway, yesterday I didn't make the 40 minute 'steady run' I was supposed to do and I really wasn't sure I would make the 40 minute 'tempo run' today. In the end, baring in mind that the rest of my day had been cancelled due to the vast amount of snow that has fallen on East Anglia, I thought, if I just MOVE for 40 minutes, at least I will feel as though I've done something. So that's what I did. You could say it was a bit of a 'Tempo' run it just went from a slow run (lope) to an even slower run, to a 'you wouldn't believe anyone could actually RUN that slow' run, to a walk. I only went just over 4 kilometres which is possibly some kind of record in the 'how slow can a human move' section of records. Anyway, as I say, it was the best that I could do - today, so that's good enough.


I think I've given up on the 'make friends with a celebrity' idea. I guess they get so many idiots like me wanting a piece of them so I think it's time to think again. I guess we will need to do another coffee morning but it's such a huge effort for very little return. Oh, and I'm going to contact the local papers and maybe a couple of magazines, they might help. Best get on it, I shall report back soon hopefully with some good news on the Charity Fund Total.

Just in case, by any remote chance, you have clicked on the link please scroll down to 'Thank you', thank you!

Snow fell in Norfolk Today .....

I was lucky because I didn't need to go out. I waved them all off before it was light and then I sat in the warm and trusted they would all return tonight ... and thankfully they all did.

 

I listened to the reports on the radio . . .  roads closed, cars abandoned, schools closed, staff sent home early. I watched the road outside our house grind to a halt, saw people getting out of their cars and walk around the road in yellow coats, then it all moved off again very slowly.

 

My plans for tomorrow suddenly thrown into doubt, a trip to Thetford and then to Norwich which probably won't happen now because I do have a choice and when I weigh up the risks against the gains it simply isn't worth it.

 

When the weather turns life becomes so much harder for all of us, a simple trip out to the dustbin becomes a major task, Andrew searches the garden for bits of wood to get the fire going and getting three cars cleared and running every morning means a very early start to accomodate the trips up and down the garden with kettles of water, but then I thought . . .

 

imagine you had to sleep out in it?. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

. . . for some people that is their reality

and they don't have a choice

 

If you struggled in the snow today or, if like me you were able to stay indoors in the warm and gaze at the pretty pictures out of your window, and if you can spare a few pounds, anything, however small will be so gratefully received, please, please go to:

 

Madi and Viv's fundraising page at:

 

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/VivienneKanharn

 

and sponsor us so that we can support Shelter

to help anyone who is out in the cold  . . . right now! 

 

Thank you

x

 

Chimp/Human?

We finally did it this morning and made it out the door for a 'long run'. My chimp was having a bit of a hissy fit but my human managed to overrule with reason and logic!!!!.

I seem to have developed my second cold of 2013 which I think is a little unfair and last night I felt dreadful. Woke up this morning feeling like you do first thing in the morning when you have a cold and my chimp said 'that's it, you can't possibly go out with this cold'
My human said 'get yourself up and see how you feel
My chimp said 'Madi won't want to run, she's got a cold too, she won't want to go out'
My human said 'lets wait and see what Madi wants to do'

When Madi got back she did want to go out
My chimp said 'For the love of God - it's STARTING TO SNOW!!!!!'
My human said 'Shut up'
and off we went

It wasn't a complete success, I had mapped 7.5 miles, again I just couldn't find another half mile. It took us on 2 nightmare roads. Roads that I have had some really bad moments on, wind, rain, hills, feeling sick, desperate for the loo - horrible memories, so I was a little trepidatious as we set off, we had no 'coach on a bike' with us so had to carry everything we thought we might need - phone, tissues, water, lipstick etc, etc. We got to 3 miles and started to struggle. We did a bit of walking and a bit of loping then we decided we would change our strategy and do a bit of 'tempo running' we went from lamp-post to lamp-post sprinting, loping and walking. Eventually we made it home and I did do another half mile on the machine - just to say I had 'completed' the 8.

I think considering we are both suffering with colds, we did ok. Hopefully next week we will both be fit and well and we'll lope all the way round.

If you have never read The Chimp Paradox you won't have a clue of what I have been talking about here - it's worth a read!.

By the way, no-one has yet got in touch from the emails I sent last week, just in case you have clicked on the link I sent you . . . . please scroll down to 'Thank you . . . '

.... nothing so far

but maybe I must just be patient?

If you have clicked on the link please scroll down to the post underneath - Thank you

Running I have to say is going quite well, I think I'm prefering the five day a week schedule rather than the four days I did last year. I do feel as though I'm moving forward a little, early days though!

Thank you . . .

. . . . for clicking on this link, I do appreciate your time.

The story so far,very quickly, I won a ballot place for last years marathon. I had lost my brother to Cancer the previous year and decided I would raise money for the Hospice in Welwyn Garden City where he died. Fair to say, I was not a natural runner, I found it harder than I could ever have imagined and contrary to all the blurb I read I never got the bug!.

As I took my first Lycra clad steps I began this blog, I wrote about why I was doing it, how I was attempting to do it, the money we were raising for the charity along with other bits and pieces that were happening in our lives along the way.

Despite my best efforts, marathon day was not a raging success and although I past the start and the finish markers I walked a fair bit of it because I seemed to hit the wall rather earlier than I had anticipated. I wasn't going for any records but I had wanted to run (well I lope!) my way round. I was very disappointed and decided, along with my 18 year old daughter that I would have another go.

Without a ballot place we contacted charities we thought we would like to run for. Most were Cancer or Hospice charities but we also spoke to Shelter. I work in benefits and see the struggle some people have to find and then keep a home, something many of us take for granted. Shelter offered us both a place and between us we have a large fund raising target.

We have tried the regular fund raising idea's but I think people are raffled, tombola'd and cake stalled out. Our recent coffee morning would have raised more if we had just collected what it cost us all to put it on!. I think too that whilst so many people have been touched by Cancer, many see homelessness as something people do to themselves and not something that could happen to them.

In an effort to do something different I decided to make my blog into an ebook and it's on sale now at Amazon for £1.96. The profits are going to be split between Shelter and the Association for International Cancer Research. I will always run in memory of my brother and it seemed right that some of the money went to Cancer Research. I chose the International one because so many of the people who read - or stumble across - my blog are from around the world. I don't know quite how much the profit will be because I haven't sold enough to get a payment but it will be at least 50p for each charity for each book sold.

My problem is getting it out there, I don't have a marketing budget and my friends are getting a little weary of 'My Mountain'. I just wondered if someone out there could maybe read my book - don't be expecting a literary masterpiece, it's not, but I do hope it's a little bit moving, a little bit funny and for some people, a little bit inspirational. Please don't judge it on my recent blogs either, I was definitely funnier last year, knowing what's to come has curbed my sense of humour this time around. If you decide to read it, and if when you have read it you have enjoyed it then I would be so grateful if you could pass it on to others, give me a little plug or mention me somewhere. We need to sell around 6,000 books to get to our target.

Whatever you can do I will be so grateful - Thank you for your time

Viv x

Here is a link to my ebook:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Vivs-Mountain-ebook/dp/B009UETRQU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1357683699&sr=1-1

My next post . . . .

Just thought I would mention this. In an effort to 'calm the chimp' last night I started trying to come up with solutions. The running will take care of itself provided I keep up with the training schedule. It's the fundraising that it causing me so much stress.

I still have this crazy idea that the ebook is the way forward, it's only £1.96, not a huge price and I'm helping two quite different charities. I just need to get it out there. I have been trying to find a way to print an actual book for anyone without a kindle or the like but it all looks quite time consuming. Anyway, I need to go with what I have, an ebook and I need to get it noticed. I'm going to spend the next couple of hours trying to track down some email/twitter addresses for famous people who appear very nice and if I catch them at the right moment and the wind is in the right direction they might just click on my link to my next post where I shall explain what this is all about and maybe, just maybe someone can offer me some kind of help. So, that is who my next post will be aimed at, not too sure what I'll say yet, hoping it will flow.

I shall report back if I have any luck at all.

Funny Dreams . . . . already!

I know I'm beginning to panic when I start with the 'rushing dreams'. It's a tad early to be honest, I don't think I can put up with this until the end of April. Last night me, Mads and Jan were all trying to get out of the house the night before the marathon. It was around 7 pm and we were going to London by train, we hadn't booked a hotel for the night so someone needed to book one in the car on the way to the station. We hadn't packed a thing, we were late for the train and then there was Charlie, he had a hangover but wanted to come, it seemed that everyone else had already gone and were saftely installed in their hotel rooms. I was trying to get Charlie moving, pack bags, I needed to get out for a walk and the train was already at the station. I woke up completely exhausted.

I have had these kind of dreams for as long as I can remember, every time I start to get stressed about something - guessing it's my chimp!

Making the Schedule Fit

Today Madi and I were both on a 'different page' of the marathon schedule - intermediate!. I rested yesterday following my 6 mile machine run on Sunday but Madi hadn't been able to run on Sunday, she got home from work at  8.30 last night and did 30 minutes on the machine and then she got up early this morning and took herself out for 6 miles. I explained the cross-roads where she needed to turn and off she went. She was back just after 45 minutes later having completed the 6 miles. I thought 'hang on, we have another Paula in the making' but no, she had turned at the wrong cross-roads, she had done around 4 miles, still a very good time though, too quick for me!.

Anyway, she got out which was excellent. I then did 30 minutes on the machine when I finished work and despite my best efforts still couldn't beat my time, in fact, I was 0.02 km down on the last 30 minutes I did. I got up to 8.2 km an hour for the final . . . . 30 seconds!. I felt like Mo Farah but still looked like a penguin. Why do I never get any faster?

Tomorrow is  a 40 minute tempo run which means doing a bit of 'sprinting' every now and then - at least it feels like sprinting to me, in reality it's just a penguin in a rush.

One long run down, only 15 more to go!

Well I managed to run (read lope) for 6 miles today - I did do it on the machine, because I'm a wimp!. Andrew couldn't come with me, he had to fix the car. I had mapped out 6 miles and was determined to go out but . . . . it was foggy, coach was at work and to be honest I didn't want to go on my own, I thought dogs, murderers and quite reasonably took the decision to stay indoors. I think one of the questions the marathon should ask is 'are you agoraphobic' because an agoraphobic runner doesn't really work.

Anyway, I made it, just!. I very nearly gave up but I didn't which I was pleased about. I was still incredibly slow though!.

Saturday night dread all over again!

First long (for me) run mapped - 6 miles, well almost 6.5 but without moving the house I couldn't make it any more precise!

Looks a little scary, doesn't matter how far you are going it's always further than you think it should be when you see the blue line on the map. It takes me down roads I said good-bye to last April and vowed I would only ever go down them again in the car. I remember ever inch and remember most of the landmarks by how sick I felt the last time I passed them. Maybe if I start with a positive head I can make it all a little easier this time - here's hoping.

Even Dancing on Ice is back on the TV tomorrow, I can't see the advert for that or hear the music without feeling nauseous, it was a rare Sunday evening last year when I watched it without feeling terribly ill, usually by the results programme I was just begining to think about eating again!.

I will be positive this year, evidently there is a 20 minute window when you stop running when you have to eat in order to prevent the sickness, trouble is it's the last thing you want to do even if you aren't in the loo throwing up. I must remember to make a sandwich to have ready as I come through the door.

Anyway, I will be back with my first 'long run' report.

Exercising my Chimp

The book is going well. I get quite a lot of it although I did get a bit lost at the chapters explaining how you 'choose' your troops, I have always sort of waited to be chosen and over the years that so rarely happens that I have kind of given up on the troop business and I've got quite used to being a troop of one or being just a part of my family troop. I do on occasions see troops marching about or I hear people talking about their troops and I think that would probably be quite nice - having a little troop to kind of .... troop about with, but after a while, if you don't get chosen to join a troop you get quite good at building a wall that says 'I'm really not fussed about troops anyway' and in the end you don't even get considered as a troop member, the wall seems to have an ability to make you invisible and people start talking around you like you just aren't there anymore.

So, I sort of skipped through the 'troop' chapters, there didn't seem to be any advice to pathetic people like me who have forgotten how to join a troop!. I'm not too sure how long the average chimp lasts in the jungle 'troopless' but I'll just have to take my chances.

I have learned that those slightly hysterical moments I have when I seem to be going ever so slightly mad are entirely down to my chimp and that I must work at getting in before the chimp kicks off. I'm not really sure quite how this helped with winning Olympic medals but I am only half way through the book so I'm hoping it will all become clear towards the end. After all, I'm not looking to win any medals, I just want to lope all the way around a 26 and a bit mile course!.

I did have another little light bulb moment last night, the book was talking about stressful situations and problems that might cause stress and it said that if you are contemplating the answer to a problem then you should start with what you have and where you are at and work at improving on that day by day, rather than, as I do, starting with where you want to be and trying to work out how your going to get there. If that's what you do then the task is so overwhelming that you become despondent and end up giving up. On this note, I have done quite well this week with the running - I do still have the small matter of 6 little miles to do tomorrow, but I'm fairly confident. I do feel as though I am at last getting somewhere and I can go just a short distance reasonably comfortably, let's just hope it continues.

Is it Really time to go back to work?

Along with millions of others I stepped back onto the rat race roundabout today and it was so much fun - not!.

All too soon the Christmas decorations have been replaced by wet washing garlands draped over every radiator. The laundry room is overflowing, the pile of ironing is at risk of a landslide, the house looks like a tip and I'm already feeling exhausted. I must find those lottery tickets, this could all be so unnecessary. . . .

. . . . £6.40! well it's a first win in a long time but I don't think I'll be retiring on it!

Oh well, at least it's a short week. Tomorrow I have to fit in a 40 minute 'tempo run' which seems to mean that I have to go a bit faster every now and then. Think it might be easier on the machine but we'll see.

Note to self . . .

From this day forward I am going to run when I am ready to run!

Because . . .

If I wait for 'people' to get out of bed, nurse their hangover's, sort out their bedroom's, nip to the shops, do their hair and cook their breakfast at 3 o'clock in the afternoon . .  it's dark!!!!!!..... and I have lost every ounce of enthusiasm I ever had and I didn't have much to start with.

I did run and complete what was required it just happened in the kitchen on the machine, it went quite well though. I do appear now to be able to run (slowly) for somewhere around 30 minutes without fear of heart failure although I have had a little over a week without all the chasing around that is so much a part of my life and I do think may have something to do with it, I guess we'll soon see.

A Question for New Years Day

Two nights ago I had one of those 'lightbulb moments' whilst reading the new book. It posed a question and I thought that New Years day might be the perfect day to come up with some kind of an answer - I have been struggling for going on 48 hours now to find one!. The question is this:

Imagine you are 100 years old and about to die, you have one minute of your life left and your great, great grandchild asks you "Granny (Grandad), before you die tell me, what I should do with my life" you have one minute to answer this question, what would you say? because whatever you say is exactly what is important about life, to you. Whatever your advice to your great, great grandchild then this is advice to you. If you are not living by this advice then you are living a lie. It's very simple really, well it would be if I could only come up with my answer.

I shall let you know when I come up with something. For now though, it's day 1 of week 1 of the 16 week training schedule and guess what? yes, I have to go and run!. On the bright side, the sun is shining and it's not raining - it is very cold though!.