Under Starters Orders . . . .

I thought that today, the eve of what would have been Malcolm's birthday was a good day to make our announcement.

I will be RUNNING in next years London Marathon and I will be RUNNING with my lovely Madi, at least we'll be starting together, youth may well speed her to the finish a little faster than me!.

We are both RUNNING for Shelter, the housing and homelessness charity. It's a long way from hospices I know but having thought about it for a long while and talked to Malcolm's wife we have decided that so long as someone was benefiting from our efforts then Malcolm would have been happy.

Because we have a charity place this year we have to raise quite a lot of money. Of course we would be incredibly grateful if you could sponsor us, and you can do this at:

http://virginmoneygiving.com/VivienneKanharn

Our page is called 'Madi and Viv's fundraising page'

We already have plans for some events which it would be great if you could support but more of that later. If you have any fantastic ways to raise money I would be very pleased to hear them.

Happy Birthday Malcolm

Aquaruis - 27.9.12

"Don't sign any contracts or verbal agreements"

Too damn late!!!!!......



I am so indecisive these days and I worry every time I put my name to anything. Madi and I have signed up to a charity to run the London Marathon and I have worried about it from the second we posted it in the box.

I'm hoping tomorrow it will be finalised and I can tell everyone about it and make a start at raising the rather large sum we have to raise. I'm going to be positive about it because we must be now. I'm sure we can do it. I shall be back tomorrow with an announcement.

A Little Better Today

A 30 minute Lope!

FACT - There is nothing in the world more exhausting ......

................ than spending 40 something hours a week doing something that you find dull and uninspiring - and I proved that tonight, beyond all reasonable doubt. It saps every ounce of energy and extinguishes any spark that you ever had.

I came home tonight determined that I would run, I wanted to do one of the 32 minute programmes on the machine but there was just nothing there, I was drowning in dullness and I seemed to have forgotten how to run. I forced myself to complete the 32 minutes with a combination of waddling, loping, staggering, walking and, in very short bursts, running, I barely managed 3 km.

Tomorrow I will be back on top, lets hope, it can't possibly get any worse!.

In need of a new job!

Really cross this evening. I had been full of good intentions all day and was going to come in and get on the machine and do a good 5 km. Unfortunately by the time I had got in and got just a bit straight it was far too late and I was far too shattered and it didn't happen.  Think I'm going to need to enlist a little help for tomorrow night and make it clear that I'm not doing anything until I have run. I need a job that allows me to run in the mornings, what are the chances do you think?.

Silly dreams

Well I've just spent an incredibly silly half hour adding nearly five hundred poundsworth of very flashy looking running gear to my 'Zalando' wish list, not too sure why but it was good to dream for a little while!.

No running today, rest day following my great run yesterday but it was just as well. Going into the office is rather like letting off a small explosion in the middle of my life, everything flies upwards and outwards and I have no idea of where it might all land. 'Tidying and keeping up with the washing' time is taken up with hair and make-up, 'running' time is replaced by getting there and back and 'keeping up with everyone else' time is taken up with trawling through my wardrobe trying to find something to wear. Days one and two are just about ok but day three is always a nightmare, I end up torn between the Penguin onesy, a pair of running tights or a re-run of days one and two!. Roll on Thursday when I can take control once again and maybe, just maybe I will have won the lottery, sold my book to a publisher or found another job before the next time, here's dreaming!.....

Going quite well

Well another good Sunday run, it wasn't looking good when I started and I nearly stopped at 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes and every other minute that followed but I managed to complete 10 kilometres and I did it in just under an hour and a half. I did walk for 5 minutes to start and then when I got to the 70 minute running mark I walked again to 9 kilometres then I ran for the last kilometre. I do feel as though I'm going forward but as usual it doesn't get any easier. If we are to do the Norwich half marathon then I do need to speed up just a little, if you don't get to the half way mark by an hour and a half then they disqualify you. Need to do my 5 minute warm up before I start so I can really see where I'm at.

This week will be quite tricky again, I'm just getting going and I have to go to the office for 3 days, tomorrow's ok, it's a rest day but Tuesday and Wednesday may be difficult, might have to give discord a miss again.

Super Sunday

Quite out of the blue, without any warning I had a brilliant run on Sunday morning. It was on the machine, we were off out in the afternoon so we didn't have time to go out.

I managed a whole hour's running, in total I did 65 minutes, I walked the first 5, I did the next 59 at 7.0 km an hour and the last minute at 8.0 km an hour (sprint finish). I went 7.4 km - I know, you could all walk faster, well that's great, I'm really happy for you. For me, on Sunday, this was massive. For the last few months I haven't been able to run . . . lope/waddle for more than 5 minutes but everything seemed to come together on Sunday and it all worked.

I've had a rest day today but I shall be waddling off again tomorrow determined to build on the progress I'm making.

No easier - the problems just change!

One year ago this last weekend we took Charlie off to Leeds. It was a difficult weekend but so full of hope, I was so excited for him. As I've got older I have so wished that I'de gone to university, of course it would have been impossible because I wasn't too bright but I wish I had been and I'de been able to get a degree. There's so much that I wish I knew, books I wish I'de read and friends I wish I'de made. It wasn't a question of Charlie living out my dreams I just wanted him to have a better start than I had, education wise.

One year on, and it was another difficult weekend, Charlie didn't go back, which is fine, it wasn't for him and that's ok. He's working now and seems happy but I'm not sure it's absolutely right for him. What saddens me as I listen to all the wall to wall 'freshers week' commentary that I never seemed to have noticed before, is that had it been a different place or a different course I'm sure he would have loved it, I can't help feeling a bit responsible for that, we should have been involved more, been a bit more pro-active in his choices. I hope he still has dreams and I hope that we can help him with them, I hope that he'll go on and do something so wonderful that he'll never regret not staying.

It never get's any easier does it . . . this parenting lark!!!!

Well Done

Well done to everyone who ran the Great North Run today, especially any 'back of the pack Penguins'

Stumbling it would seem . . .

. . . . . . . . but I'll carry on!

Follow me by email, facebook or twitter

Keep meaning to say . . .

The stats on my blog seem to be going up every day at the moment, I'm not sure if this is because people are looking me up on purpose and actually reading my blogs or if people are just stumbling across me and leaving without reading a word. It would be lovely to get some feedback from anyone who does stay for a bit. You can comment or send me some much needed advice. You could follow me by email or on facebook or twitter.

Look forward to hearing from you

Early Days as a Penguin

. . . it's going well, I do feel somewhat lighter - of course the sun is shining which helps and there is a very long way to go but for the last three days I have looked forward to running, which is new. This morning I did have a little wobble, I had planned to go out. Confidence was on the floor, it was very, very hot, I still have a cough and I put the running gear on, looked in the mirror and thought 'you look ridiculous' I tried all the excuses I could think of, cough, hot, feel stupid, I'll do it on the machine but Andrew just said very quietly 'I think you need to go out' of course he was right and out we went. My last thought as I went from walk to waddle was 'you're a penguin' instantly the smile came back, it can't not really can it? when you see yourself as a Penguin.

I did around 2 miles in 25 minutes but it really wasn't about how far I went or how fast I went, it was that I went that today made me a winner. I have come home to get on with my normal Sunday routine, endless jobs that I won't get to the end of but it doesn't matter because today I'm already a winner.

Another one of Life's Lesson's Learned

I have tried to write something about this for some time this morning but it just comes out as pathetic, bitter and extremely childish. The details aren't really important, suffice to say that I have learned a very big lesson this weekend about the illusions of ourselves we create to present to the world and, more importantly, the illusions others create of themselves to present to us.

My conclusion is that I am far too trusting - one of my better faults I think!

My name is Viv and I am a Penguin ...

... a fully fledged, waddling Penguin and I am so proud I can't begin to tell you. I went out for the first time today as a Penguin and it felt so good - there are only two differences between loping and waddling as a Penguin, Penguin's have smiles on their faces and in there heads there is acceptance. I have spent the last however many months knowing I was a 'back of the pack runner' but believing I wasn't staying long. I was headed for the kinda-fast-runners and on rare good days I would dream of possibly making the back of the pretty-fast-runners. That's why it was all such hard work. Thank God for John Bingham because now I know that it's ok to be a Penguin in fact it's a lot more fun to be a Penguin.

It was very late last night when I picked up my book but despite the hour I was very soon laughing at his 'Only Four Kinds of Runners' and 'Back-of-the-Pack worries' there was so much enlightenment but also recognition at so much that I have felt, done or thought, the constant race against the clock on marathon day, not because your going for a record, you just want to make it before they take the clock down!. The worry that you will be the one with the ambulance or the police car following you because you're the last runner. Then there is the fear, I thought it was only me that got so scared but no, Penguins from all over the world, all shapes and sizes, rich or poor, good or bad feel the fear, you see when you line up at the start or take off by yourself for a long run you can't hide, there's no 'winging' it, you stand or fall on the strength in your legs and the will in your head. He talks about the uniqueness of a race, where everyone is bonded by their sameness unyet each person totally alone, it doesn't matter what job you do or how much money you have everyone is equal. You can't be anything else but totally honest, any illusions created in our lives are completely useless, you can't hide behind or rely on anyone else. 

Anyway, if you want to join me at the back of the pack with the other penguins or if you're further up the field, even if you don't run but like to laugh, buy this book because it puts a different perspective on everything.

Madi and I had a great run at lunch time in the sunshine, can honestly say I really enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to the next one.

A bit of a Dilemma

The good news, we do both have a place in next years London Marathon - if we want it. And the bad news, well there isn't any really. I guess what worries me is that we have to pledge to raise £1800.00 each which includes a £100.00 fee which we have to pay now for the place. The charity is Shelter, not exactly a lead on from last year but it's certainly something I could be passionate about and that's what I wanted. I did want to run for something that was close to Malcolm, either cancer or hospices but national. Whatever we run for I will do it in Malcolm's memory, I just need to take a bit of time to consider if he would be ok with it, I've no doubt he would be, I just need to think it through.

Of course we could still get a ballot place and that's the chance you take, if we do we could always defer it to the following year. It's a bit like the queue's in the bank at lunch time, only thing guaranteed is that you'll join the wrong queue!.

Patience is the key

Not a great deal of running being done this week. 'Reading Flu' has taken it's toll, feeling much better today but not enough to put on the 'running tights' and get out there, just managing to do the 'have to' things, what a shame the majority of the 'have to' things are the things I least enjoy.

I have done a lot of reading and I'm working on a training programme for the half marathon in November which at least makes me feel as though I'm doing something in the right direction. I do think that I was possibly trying to increase my distance far too quickly. I'm going to work on hours and minutes of running not miles for a while and add minutes more slowly and see how I get along.

The book is fascinating, I guess it's written from a place where John Bingham has found the joy and I'm still searching which is what makes me question bits of it but there is so much that I identify with, even some of the chapters have similar titles to some of my blogs, the fact that I have felt and been through so much that is the same makes me believe that the outcome should be the same too - I should eventually find the same joy as well if I keep at it. One day, maybe soon, maybe later, it will come and every time I go out I'll be a bit closer to finding it.

Joy of Running

Don't think I mentioned that 'middle child' returned from the Reading Music Festival on Monday. He brought with him some rather nasty flu-like symptoms but, considering the odour that permeated from the bag that returned with him we must all be very grateful that it is 'just a cold'.

Anyway, it is now the following weekend and inevitably Andrew and I have fallen fowl of 'Reading Flu' despite the fact that neither of us have ever been to Reading!. It has meant that running has been off the agenda yesterday and today and judging by the developing cough it may well be off for a few days to come. So I have done the next best thing and started the new book: John "The Penguin" Bingham's, The Courage to Start. I'm so glad that I bought this book because it's written in my language. It's not (so far) about how many miles to run how many times a week, it's very much more about finding the joy in running. It took me to page 53 to realise completely that this book was for me, until then there had been a lot about how wonderful running was and it did seem a lot easier than my own experience.

To start, he waddles (like a penguin), I lope (like a . . . well, like a loper!). He described that couch potato, first run moment that I'm sure we have all had when you set off, certain that you have Kenyan ancestors and 30 seconds later knowing that you haven't and you wonder what on earth is wrong with you. There was the visit to the 'running shoe shop' where the first language is runathon, he even described exactly what I wore the first time I went out to run!. From page 53 though he talks about finding the joy, and it was here that I had a 'light bulb' moment and if you're not a runner stick with me because this applies to all of life. In a nutshell, once we introduce the word 'should' into our running (you can substitute this word for almost anything that you are trying to achieve) you are setting yourself up to fail. Once we start looking around and thinking, or get told that we 'should' be running faster, further, more, less then the joy is lost and failure is inevitable. There is a lot to this and you'll need to read the book to get it all but at the end of the day we have to be honest about who we really are, now, we must accept that and then we work to get closer to the person we want to be.

At this moment, what I need to be asking myself is "how far and how fast 'can' I run" and then "how far and how fast do I 'want' to run" then I have to learn to live with simply narrowing the gap. Doing that will be slow and it will be hard, one day things work and the next day they won't, miles of running on a Sunday could be followed by the hardest mile a couple of days later and that's normal, that's how it works. It should never become a chore though, there are so many things in life that you have to do and running should never become one of them. I'm assuming that if you are getting close to a race then you do need to be a bit harder on yourself but at first, it should be about finding the good.

So, once 'Reading Flu' has run it's course I shall change my mindset and get out because I want to, not because I 'should'.

Running for the over 50's!

That would be me then!!!!

As you may have worked out, when I get into something I read an awful lot about it. Sometimes this is a help, other times it can be a bit of a hindrance but when I'm struggling I google, I search through Amazon and I try to find an answer.  I do now have a library of books about running and I am barraged most days with emails from sites about running that I have subscribed to.

My latest problem has been the 'getting faster' and the 'running further' block that I have encountered of late. I am constantly uplifted by headings such as 'running marathons slowly' or 'marathon running for tortoises' but my balloon is always pretty quickly burst when I read things like "I only run 10 minute miles" or '90 year old runs marathon in 6 hours - but he finished' . . . 10 minute miles, 6 hours! these are sprint times!!!.

My marathon PB is 6 hours 52 minutes, I do 14 minute miles, people walk along side me . . . and keep up!

I decided that maybe I needed to look for a programme that is maybe a little more age appropriate. Maybe that way I can give the 90 year old a run for his money.

I found in the space of an hour or two a website and a very good article. The website talked about 'ageing successfully' which left me with a very large question mark. As the site was really about selling personal trainer services I gleaned little more than that I really liked the rather trendy little outfit the owner of the site (I assume) was wearing. I then moved to the article which started with some rather depressing matters. I think it's pretty obvious to most 'normal' women who pass this particular milestone that all the little people who have until this point been holding up your face, boobs and bum, simultaneously let go as you pin on all those hilarious 'I'm 50' badges,  but what I wasn't aware of was quite what was going on in the back office. Past 50 we begin to loose strength. Muscle mass and muscle strength most noticeably diminishes after we hit 50. The good news is that woman who have been less active over the years will experience less strength loss (I'm guessing because we have less to lose and having not had it we wouldn't miss it anyway!).  There is an increased risk of injury and recovery from said injury will be slow. Osteoporosis is another consideration and doctors have little experience of women over 50 being athletes, in other words they laugh!.

It then goes on to give some really good advice about running for over 50's. The most important part of our training is evidently the social side, we like to train in packs. I don't do this, only really because I can't find anyone either daft enough or slow enough to train with me but I can see the benefits, especially if you are to follow the strength phase of the training programme (critical in women over 50) this entails finding a hill that takes around 4 minutes to get up, after a few weeks you should be able to speak when you get to the top. You then progress to 'skipping', 'bounding' and 'springing' drills on the hill. You do slow 'skipping', 'sideways skipping' and 'cross-over skipping' on the way down. For me, and maybe I get embarrassed very easily but I could only do this in a crowd, laughing a lot.  There were some other exercises that weren't quite so public and could possibly be adapted to fit in my lounge and if I combine them with some I found in my 'Train to be an Olympian' book then I should be able to get a bit stronger and this seems to be key.