Going down . . .

I think that there are times in most peoples lives when you just have to hang on very tight, keep on going through the motions and trust that you will eventually reach the bottom and that when you do you will have remembered how to bounce - this for me is one of those times!.

Fair to say, I am suffering from the post-marathon blues!.  For so long 'marathon day' and the fund raising were a major focus in my life and now that has gone I seem to have been left with just the boring, mundane, energy sapping treadmill that is my life.  

I have attempted to analyse this because I think it's important and I have come to the conclusion that what worked most for me was the control.  It was a path I had chosen and only I could effect the outcome, no-one could suddenly 'move the goal-posts', no-one could take it from me, the outcome wasn't influenced by how much money I had or how many A'levels I had managed to get.  Living in a fancy house or wearing designer clothes was no advantage, neither was the school I went to or my job title - there aren't too many things in life that you can say that about.  Now though, it's back to the real world where money, status and perceived importance is everything and I have little say in anything that I do.  I seem to be moved around like a pawn on a giant chess board, working at making people I really couldn't give a damn about richer, happier or feel just a bit more important and it makes me very cross!

So, conclusion, well I need something to take control of again.  There is a quote or a poem or just something someone said about changing the things we can change and letting go of the things we can't, well maybe it's time to do just that.

I have been running again fairly regularly.  I've been doing 5 km's on the machine but trying to do them faster.  I can't be looking at a 6 hour marathon again!.  I have also been trying to secure a place for me and Madi in next years race.  I don't hold out a lot of hope for either of us in the ballot so I have been contacting charities.  Many of them though won't offer you a place until October when the ballot is decided but as we would both need to raise around £2000.00 I would really like to start the fund-raising now.  I'm really hoping we can get a place with a charity supporting hospices.  It would be a nice lead on from this year, the work they do is so important and it would be good to open it out and make it national rather than just the one local hospice.

We have said that we will do the race for life next week but somehow I don't feel very committed, I do need a goal but I'm not sure this is the right one, maybe though we just need to jump and hope that we can peddle fast enough to catch up.