Inside Out

Well this really isn't going too well at all.  It was my plan to do regular 5 km's four maybe five times a week and  to increase the speed all the time until I could do it reasonably easily at quite a fast pace, I could then work at increasing the distance.  Seemed like a plan to me but I really needed 'Will' on my side and 'Will' has not been around much of late.  Without 'Will' to keep me going I'm done at around 2 km's and nothing seems to keep me moving.

I have decided to start again but from the inside and then I'll work out.  I've bought a book - a book about nutrition and I will be stocking up next week on blueberry's, cranberry's, noodles, nuts and anything else that's mentioned in my book as energy building.  Hopefully, with a little more energy in the tank I can start increasing my distance and picking up the pace.

2 steps forward, 3 steps back . . . all over again!

Well it's all a bit up and down at the moment, one day I seem to do really well, the next I give up so easily.  I think a goal is what we both need and it has to be a reasonably big one.  We have decided not to go with the race for life on Sunday but will go out and do our own 5 km here.  Then I need to find a 10 k in around 6 to 8 weeks.  I'm back to that 'it never gets any easier' thing - surely there has to come a point after all these months when I can at least do 5 km without too much drama?.  I wish I could afford an expert, I would just like to ask them a few questions.

News from the charities isn't good either, most won't give us an answer until October and for the amount we will have to raise between us I think that will be too late.  I have spoken to East Anglia's Children's Hospices, they were given some places last year and hope to get more this year but they might not know until January or February and that's a long time to go without knowing if we are actually training for something!

Well I bounced! . . . .

. . . . but come Monday morning this could prove to be a 'double dip'

This morning, following a 3 day break (because I just couldn't be bothered) I got back on the machine.  I set one of the 32 minute programmes, it covered 3 km and went from slow walking to fast walking, back to slow walking then to a slow run, repeating with the runs getting faster until I got to 4 minutes at 10 km per hour (for me this is quite fast!).  Then it went back down again.  I then decided to do another 3 km at 8.5 km per hour.  This is a bit faster than I previously ran but I should get to a point where it feels quite comfortable - well it is now, for the first 5 minutes or so.  I did get to the end but it's funny just how quickly 'will' has done a runner.  I guess as the marathon gets closer it does rather focus the mind on the job in hand and now I'm back with all the old excuses and reason's as to why I shouldn't do it today.  Finding 'will' again and making sure he hangs around has to be my first big goal.

Going down . . .

I think that there are times in most peoples lives when you just have to hang on very tight, keep on going through the motions and trust that you will eventually reach the bottom and that when you do you will have remembered how to bounce - this for me is one of those times!.

Fair to say, I am suffering from the post-marathon blues!.  For so long 'marathon day' and the fund raising were a major focus in my life and now that has gone I seem to have been left with just the boring, mundane, energy sapping treadmill that is my life.  

I have attempted to analyse this because I think it's important and I have come to the conclusion that what worked most for me was the control.  It was a path I had chosen and only I could effect the outcome, no-one could suddenly 'move the goal-posts', no-one could take it from me, the outcome wasn't influenced by how much money I had or how many A'levels I had managed to get.  Living in a fancy house or wearing designer clothes was no advantage, neither was the school I went to or my job title - there aren't too many things in life that you can say that about.  Now though, it's back to the real world where money, status and perceived importance is everything and I have little say in anything that I do.  I seem to be moved around like a pawn on a giant chess board, working at making people I really couldn't give a damn about richer, happier or feel just a bit more important and it makes me very cross!

So, conclusion, well I need something to take control of again.  There is a quote or a poem or just something someone said about changing the things we can change and letting go of the things we can't, well maybe it's time to do just that.

I have been running again fairly regularly.  I've been doing 5 km's on the machine but trying to do them faster.  I can't be looking at a 6 hour marathon again!.  I have also been trying to secure a place for me and Madi in next years race.  I don't hold out a lot of hope for either of us in the ballot so I have been contacting charities.  Many of them though won't offer you a place until October when the ballot is decided but as we would both need to raise around £2000.00 I would really like to start the fund-raising now.  I'm really hoping we can get a place with a charity supporting hospices.  It would be a nice lead on from this year, the work they do is so important and it would be good to open it out and make it national rather than just the one local hospice.

We have said that we will do the race for life next week but somehow I don't feel very committed, I do need a goal but I'm not sure this is the right one, maybe though we just need to jump and hope that we can peddle fast enough to catch up.

. . . and what have I learned?

Ok, so when I started this blog many, many months ago I used to start with: 'week whatever, and what have I learned?'. Well I feel at the beginning of Part 2 I should look at Part 1 and ask that same question, because if I am to succeed with this challenge I really need to take stock of everything I have learned, so what exactly do I need to work at:

1)     I really must work harder at hats.  It's clear I need one but it may take a whole shopping trip all of it's own.
2)     Having studied all the photographic evidence available, longer hair does me no favours - this has already been dealt with.
3)     Also, having studied all the photographic evidence available, I need to smile just a bit when I run.
4)     And also, having studied all the photographic evidence available, camera's are to be avoided when ever possible, before, during and after a marathon, or any form of exercise, or ever really!
5)     Fancy dress for any future marathon's should be given serious consideration, particularly anything with a mask.
6)     However cold  or wet it might be never, never allow myself to be draped in a see through poncho or indeed a tin foil blanket!.
7)     Eating in the days leading up to a marathon or any long run is essential as is drinking.
8)     To take a lot of time organising the whole weekend to make sure it works for me, it's as easy as it possibly can be and there are no hidden obstacles.
9)     To remember on the day all the things I have done during training runs.  I have always said that when I run long distances I kind of go 'inside myself', I have various thoughts for different periods of the run, different things that I say to myself.  I don't remember using any of these strategies on the day of the marathon.  I was so busy taking in and being over-whelmed by everything that was going on around me.
10)     And finally and I think very importantly, I have just got that the marathon is not a team event, you have to run your own race at your own speed, your own way, for your own reason's.

So, quite a lot to work on and at least until Christmas there are many other things and many other people who have to be dealt with and considered.  I have many battles that need fighting at the moment on many different fronts.  They all require time and energy so it will be hard, a lot harder than this year.  First job:  secure a place for Madi and me, oh and I have to sort the student loan people, and I have some photo's that need doing, and a few letters I need to write - but I must get rid of the pile of ironing first or should I clean the windows first . . . and training, I really must get on and get running outside again, that will of course mean going through the garden that is a wilderness, that will need some time, then there's work, what to do about work?.  I think for now, as it's 2 am, I really need to get to bed and re-group in the morning, maybe it will be a bit clearer then.

My coach is 18!

Happy Birthday to my coach Madi

Remembering that little pink bundle and feeling just a little old today