A Low Point

Well I must have cut a very sad figure at 6.30 this morning as I limped home after only one mile of a five mile run - first time this 'adventure' has reduced me to tears!.

The week started so well, Sunday was great, the gels seem to work much better and not only did I run the full 16 miles but I really didn't feel too bad afterwards - even managed to cook the dinner, a first for many weeks.  Monday I wasn't suffering too much, I could just about get up and down the stairs on my feet!  Then on Tuesday I woke up with a blinding headache so didn't run when I should have, on Wednesday, although the headache had gone I didn't make it out the door again, I was going to go at lunch time but then I had a brainwave, I would 'lounge lope' - get back to my comfort zone and watch Jeremy Kyle while I loped.  It was a bit different from my early loping, felt so much easier however, it doesn't seem to do a lot for my knees, one in particular.   I think because I'm not doing very much 'going forward' I'm almost braking at every step, and braking hurts.

Thursday I managed a very painful 8 miles. This morning, having watched John Bishop cycle, row and then run 3 marathons, I was up early and bounced out the door to Olly Murs blasting in my head, what was 5 miles compared with everything he managed I thought . . . until my left foot hit the pavement for the first time and the pain jarred up my leg, I thought I could 'run it off' but it just got worse and worse until I was hobbling along trying to put as little weight on my left leg as possible.  I did all the positive chat, tried to make friends with the pain, attempted to ignore it but nothing worked and as it gave way beneath me on a couple of steps I decided it probably wasn't wise to go on.  I had quite a long way to limp home, a great deal of thinking time.  I didn't expect this to be so hard, I expected to have to put a bit of effort in, get out there and run when I didn't really feel like it but I thought there would be a point where it began to get a bit easier and I could enjoy it just a little bit.  I remember asking right at the start 'surely it can't be this hard the whole time' well, I've answered that question now and yes, it is that hard all the time.  I wasn't expecting the battle inside my head either, I thought I would quite enjoy all that time to contemplate but I don't, it's far too much time to be inside your own head - well mine anyway!.  I wasn't expecting it to take so much of my time either, it seems to be my whole life at the moment and trying to fit anything else in is so stressful.  When do the endorphins kick in, when does the fun start?

You see, if running is hard, walking is so much harder.

Hopefully after a rest day tomorrow, well, when I say rest there's the house to clean, the washing and ironing to get done then I can rest ready for 18 miles on Sunday.  Only 2 more long runs then the taper starts, that's something to look forward to.  Just hope the knee is temporary and will improve soon.