The things that make you Happy

Well I'm up with the larks this morning, which is a good thing because I have a lot to fit in. I declared yesterday a 'Do what makes you happy first Day', so often I do all the things I have to or need to do first and end up with 10 minutes just before I go to bed to fit in anything that I really 'wanted' to do. I finished typing up and checking my book and it has now been sent off to be proofread, I also replied to a few emails which had been waiting for ages - needless to say running or cycling didn't feature among the things which 'made me happy' so, along with all the boring and mundane jobs still outstanding, they didn't get done either. In fact after my amazing realisations following the little bike ride last weekend and despite all my good intentions I haven't run or cycled at all for the whole week!.

Jan arrives later on today ready for another trek in the morning, oh what fun it will be - not!.

My week peaked on Wednesday when Discord started again following a lengthy break, I was a bit undecided about going back thinking this might be the time to stop but I'm so glad that I didn't. It is always such a laugh and so much fun to pretend that I can sing for an hour or two!. The rest of my week was not a lot of fun, it was just work and work I'm sad to say does not make me happy at all, the end of year is always manic and this year with all the government changes has been absolutely awful. As if that wasn't enough we are all suddenly required to go into the office for no apparent reason making us feel uneasy and unsettled about the future, as if we weren't all uneasy and unsettled about the future enough!. I have just checked my lottery tickets in the vain hope that I wouldn't have to go in again at all but unfortunately it looks as though I will be there for at least another week. I do lay awake for many hours wondering how I can get across to my children just how unfulfilled and stuck you can feel when you do a job you really don't enjoy. I think I'm making progress with Madi but there is still work to do with the boys. I just hope they get it before it's too late.

Anyway, it's now around 6.30, time for a bit of ironing I think.

Cycling ... a new challenge!

................... I ache in places I had no idea existed. It hurts to sit, stand or walk right now. I must do more cycling because I feel it would really help. Maybe next time I don't need to go quite so far and then I can cut out the walking bits.

I knew that Deer Stalker would come in Handy!

I was delighted to be included, I really was. Not doing the marathon this year is a huge disappointment but I do think it was the right decision for myself and Madi at the time. Somehow it's easier though to get involved in Jan's efforts to run this year rather than try to forget it's happening. When she asked me last week if I would go out with her on the bike I was thrilled .... what I hadn't counted on was the weather. The UK has this week been plunged back into some kind of ice-age with yet more snow, high winds and Arctic temperatures. I emailed her a photo this morning of my snow-bound garden, half of me was hoping she would decide not to run but of course, with only 4 weeks to go she couldn't do that. I found as many layers as I could to put on remembering just how cold Andrew used to get and I fished out that deer stalker. I left the house looking like Scott of the Antarctic, I could barely walk but figured that once I was hoisted onto the bike I'de be ok to keep peddling.

It didn't help that the bike is a man's one and slightly too tall for me so that I can only have one toe touching the ground at a time which made the mount precarious and the dis-mount positively dangerous. The other thing I don't really get is why the handle bars are at approximately the same level as the seat forcing you into a very uncomfortable position and making your back ache almost from the off. In retrospect what I wanted was a Mary Poppins style bike, or a chopper would have been good. Anyway, I got the hang of it after a while and we picked our way through the ice and slush.

We got round eventually but there was quite a bit of walking, quite a lot of talking (we've not seen each other for a long time) and an awful lot of huffing and puffing on my part. I really feel for Jan, I know just how hard it is. It looks so much fun when you watch it on the TV but it has to be one of the hardest challenges your average 'Joe public' can take on, it really, really hurts, week after week after week.

For me, this morning has really opened my eye's to the fact that for the last 18 months or so I have been adding miles (at times) but the only bit of me that I have really been exercising is my 'grit and determination' I've just been extending the period of time that I can endure the pain. This morning, I discovered muscles that I had forgotten I had and I realised that I am still, fundamentally, very unfit. I really do need to do a bit of work on building up my overall fitness and strength, then maybe, just maybe it will begin to get a tad easier and I might even be able to speed up a bit.

Scott of the Antarctic and Haile Gebrselassie!

The very long and lonely Road

nb. even on a bike I spend most of the time behind her!

Another Angel

This time last year I met so many Angels, they came in all shapes and sizes, at all times of the day and night and from the most unexpected corners of my life. They encouraged me in simple, small ways to accomplish what I had set out to do. Angels, in a few words, a smile or just the catch of an eye can lift you, carry you, support you and save you. Angels have been in short supply of late but that's possibly because I haven't really needed one. They seem to come along when you need them most, somehow you become far more open to them, ready to accept them ..... when you're looking, they will come.

Anyway, out of the blue this week another Angel has come. A friend that I met during my disastrous photography franchise experience, has offered to proof/edit my book. It is what she does. It's such a generous offer and will be invaluable if I want the book to look professional. As you've probably worked out I missed the grammar and punctuation lessons at school!. I'm so grateful to her and very excited about the whole project, hopefully it will make lots of money for AICR.

For anyone in pain or in need, keep looking out for the angels - they will come, promise!

Well all the typing is finished and now I've started proof reading, this part could take a while too, especially as I can't spell and I never learned to punctuate - Oh you noticed!.


Feeling just a little low right now, we're getting close to the marathon and if I'm honest I am disappointed. The one thing I always seem to get right is failing while others consistently excel at success. Bit sick of still playing the understudy after so many years and probably a bit more cross that I still let it get to me. I will get over it though.

Reminding me of a little story.

In order to tell you the story I need to first tell you why I bought the book at all. It's called 'The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying' and it's about Buddhism, well I think it is because I'm struggling to get very far into it. I thought that Buddhists always come across as quite calm and I decided that maybe I could use a bit of that although I don't believe the Delhi Lama has a 9 till 5 desk job or does a great deal of washing and ironing but I figured if just a little bit of their inner peace could rub off on me then it would be worth the read. Also, Joanna Lumley said it was good and I love Joanna Lumley. Anyway, the writing is very small and there are pages that I have read over and over again and still have no idea what they are about. Most of what I have read so far is about dying and having a 'good' death. I suppose if you have a Buddhists belief in the after life then the perspective is a bit changed but I was finding this all a little bit morbid to be honest. I tried to stick with it in the hope I would get to the 'living' bit but I've had to take a break for a while but I will go back to it. Anyway, one story in the book did particularly strike a cord and it went a bit like this:

There were two religious men walking somewhere, one was the others teacher/master. Now their religion says that they should have nothing to do with women. They get to a river/stream/pond? and see a young girl who is unable to get across the water. The teacher picks the girl up and carries her across, on the other side he puts her down and they carry, separately on their way. Now the younger man is absolutely furious that his master has completely ignored his teachings or whatever you call them and he has done such a terrible thing. He spends the rest of the journey asking himself 'how could he have done such a thing'. In the end the teacher/master asks him if he is alright and the young man can't contain himself, he says 'no, I'm not, you have taught me that I shouldn't have anything to do with women and without a thought you picked up that girl and carried her across the water' 'Brother' said the teacher/master 'look, I am not longer holding on to her - are you?'

Now I thought that was a good story.