But it Doesn't Matter . . .

Well I have to say I am very pleased with me!.  I ran 9.1 miles today, this wasn't a failed attempt at 10, I was after 8 and not having a lot of time to sort out a route the closest I found finished 1.1 miles from home!.  I had 3 choices, I could walk - too cold, I could climb on the handlebars of the bike - too dangerous, or I could run - I ran.

I went out armed with a couple of phrases for my head, they came from the new book, the first 'but it doesn't matter' should be tagged onto the end of any negative comment you make and is quite true in the majority of situations.  For example, 'I'm very tired' - 'but it doesn't matter', 'The weather is awful' - 'but it doesn't matter', 'I couldn't train most of last week' - 'but it doesn't matter' . . . you get the gist.  The other one is useful at the point the constant pounding on the road starts sending shooting pains into your knees, it goes 'Aahh, pain, there you are, I was wondering when you would show up.  Come join me on this run' ???????? you can also substitute pain for wind, rain, hills infact anything unpleasant that happens during the course of a run.  I was a little sceptical.  Now on the course in the book no-one is allowed to wear headphones to listen to music.  As fate would have it, half a mile in I ran out of battery - 'but it didn't matter' and do you know, it didn't.  The other thing I did was to start drinking long before I needed to and when I had to stop and walk while I drank (for fear of loosing my teeth) 'it didn't matter' I just started running again.  For the first time on a long run I spoke to Andrew, we picked out houses we liked along the way and admired the views.  It was hard but ok.  It just goes to prove how important your head is when you do this.  I must keep training my head because it's just as important as everything else.

Hopefully this week will be better although I don't think it's going to start well tomorrow - 'but it doesn't matter'

Just When You Think . . .

Ok, I'm determined I'm not going to use the 'D' word today . . . I have had a 'most inconvenient week' - how's that, well extremely restrained I have to tell you.

Almost from day one of this adventure I had tomorrow fixed as my first major goal, I researched local races and decided on the Reedham 10 mile race, it's not a fun run, it's a real race for real runners.  I wanted to do it for many different reasons, it would be a course I didn't know a long way from home, I would be surrounded by 'professional' runners in all the right gear, doing all the right things at the right times, I would have to run without music and attempt to run my race (very slowly) among people going at all different speeds (most faster than me).  More than anything I needed to finish, to feel what that felt like and to have one major achievement under my belt.  Following last weeks less than convincing run I had planned the lead up to tomorrow very carefully to give myself the best possible chance of success . . . and then everything changed and I found myself in the office four days out of the last six, as each day went by my hopes of success faded.  I run at lunch time because I don't feel safe running around country lanes in the dark so I just couldn't get out at all.  Last night I decided that to go and crash out after a few miles would be the worst thing I could do.  I need to build confidence not more bad experiences.  So I'm not going, I've been out today and done 3 miles which was hard although I think I went a little faster than I usually go.  Tomorrow I'm going to do 8 miles, if I can finish that I'm going to be very, very pleased with me.


Now, changing the subject, I have added another 'expert' (well several actually) to my team.  This time it's a book.  There is a course that runs at the University of Iowa called the marathon course.  It's for non-runners who want to run a marathon.  Of the hundreds of people who have taken the course only one failed to run the marathon at the end and that was because he didn't drink enough.  There's a lot in there about what goes on inside your head which is really why I bought it.  It's a 16 week programme and as I only have 12 weeks left now I'm having to read fast to catch up. At the moment I'm trying to 'change my reality' using visualisation? I have to imagine myself striding along like an Olympic athlete rather then the heaving mess that lopes along the road, that way, evidently, I will start to believe this is possible.  I have to be honest, I do think there is some truth in these techniques, just need to read on a bit further before the morning!.

I shall let you know how I get on tomorrow.

A Recurring Nightmare

This has to be the most frustrating, infuriating, brain teasing, energy sapping thing I have ever, ever done and the more failures I chalk up the harder it gets.

These days running feels like a very dark place.  If you thought that when you went to sleep you had a 90 - 95% chance of stepping straight back into a horrible recurring nightmare would you look forward to going to bed?  well that's what it feels like every time I put my running shoes on at the moment.

I went out with the coach at lunch time looking for around 4 miles - should have been a piece of cake and quite possibly would have been had I not been wearing the lead trousers - I don't remember putting them on but I must have because I felt as though from the waist down I weighed a ton.  I decided when I got home, and in total desperation that I would take a tip from Paula and try the iced, well, slightly chilly bath after all the run is agony it just means extending the agony for 10 minutes more.  I don't really know what it's supposed to do other than turn everything a shade of blue but I figured it was worth a try.

I shall report back if I notice any miraculous advancements in the next few days.

The Demons Return

Well I guess if this was on the telly we would now break into some sort of montage to music that would cover the next few weeks to show the daily slog that is now the reality.  I've just about sorted the wardrobe, I've picked a hat and no longer care what it looks like, for now the shoes are bought, I've discovered music and I can go a bit further than a lot of fun joggers.  I've learned that warming up is important, keeping your eye's open and facing forward is essential and of late 'Will' has been alongside me.  I'm over the running tights, I have bruises on my big toe nails so feel I've earned the right to wear them . . . there's not too much that's very funny that happens any more, it's all about trying to stay motivated and this week fit training around a cold (yes, I did get it) and an unexpected visit to the office which played havoc with my build up to today.

Rewind . . . . . . 

I wrote that a few days ago, but once again, just as I believed I was off and running a series of 'unfortunate events' culminated in a total disaster this morning.  After last Sunday I was really quite confident about today and had decided I was going to do 13 and a bit miles - I wanted to be at the half way stage.  Now, for the past couple of long runs I've done a big loop out into the wilderness but finished up doing the final and hardest couple of miles close to home but, from a head point of view it's really hard getting almost to the end of our track and having to turn around and go off again, so yesterday Andrew took the car out and measured 6 and a half miles out, this would take me to the outskirts of Kenninghall which sounded absolutely ridiculous.  Having not done too much this past week I decided I would do a bit of 'Nell' yesterday and was pleased that I got to the end of the dvd.  I then stuffed myself full of Pasta.  I got up early this morning in order to again stuff myself with Porridge and give it time to go down.  Mr Motivator took a rucksack today full of quite what I really didn't have a clue.  He looks more and more like the old coach in Rocky every time we go out.  The first 2 miles were hard but they always are.  Once I got out onto the open roads the wind cut across the fields and hit my square in the face so that I could hardly breathe, at times it was bringing me to a complete standstill and it blew my headphones out of my ears, I wear a hat to keep them in but the wind was lifting the edges of the hat so that in the end I had to put my hood up to keep my hat on to keep my headphones in!!!!!.   It seems my preparation is becoming longer each time I go out as I add another strapping to hold something else on, I strap up my big toes to keep the nails on, today I had a support on my knee because by the end of a long run it feels as though my leg will drop off from the knee, I could do with one on the other knee and I'm contemplating a pair of shorts to wear superman (woman) style, over my running tights in order to keep my legs connected at the hips because they also threaten to become detached after a while!.  Anyway, about 4 and a half miles in I discovered that in the rucksack Andrew had thought to bring some ibuprofen.  In a very tricky manoeuvre he managed to extract them from the bag and I attempted to take them, note to self - will need something to secure my teeth in place for when I attempt to drink whilst running - they didn't help, they had quite a choice of pains they could alleviate but chose none of them.  Now, it was at this point that the head games started.  I began to worry that if I got the whole 6 and a half miles out I wouldn't get back and 6 and a half miles is a very long way to walk, in tights!. I started trying to work out how many miles I had done and if I turned how many I would do, if I added a loop her or an extra turn there, how much would that add, all of these questions puts doubts in your head and once you start to question if you can do it the answer is invariably no, you can't.  I started to walk for periods and in the end turned around, I ran for a bit but my head had given up.  In the end Andrew speeded off to get the car, I did run for most of the time he was gone but was very pleased to see the car come round the corner.

We've now done the post run biopsy, we've blamed the cold I've had, the wind and the route but to be honest the failure was in my head.  Next week I have to get some miles in over the whole week ready for Sunday when I will finish the Reedham 10 mile race.  I'm not going to dwell on this failure, it's just a minor problem and this week coming is going to be a good one.

Another lesson learned

OK, I have spent the last week anticipating the arrival of something horrible that would make me look as awful as Mr Motivator has been looking of late, on Friday I thought it had arrived and gave myself the day off training.  On Saturday I assumed the worst was over and prepared for my 10 miles on Sunday.

We had a stroke of luck when Michelle offered us Malcolm's bike for Andrew to use, not only do the gears and brakes work, the tyres have air in them and the seat is considerably more comfortable!.  It's also quite nice that Malcolm is kind of involved now, helping!. The only problem was that the old bike required so much effort to get moving that he vastly underestimated the clothing required to ride this hugely superior machine. It wasn't until we were almost home and I glanced across at him and saw he was grey and shivering that I realised the sacrifice he had made for me.

I have to say that 10 miles is an incredibly long way, it's more than 1/3rd of the way but still there is so far to go.  I ran up roads I have never seen before and up and down gradients I had no idea existed in Norfolk.  There was a feeling as I ran that having already done 8 miles the only miles that would really count were the last 2.  They were also the most agony.  It was no longer about breathing or about 'will', it was only about pain. You see the constant pounding of your foot on the road begins to send shock waves up your legs every time your foot hits the floor, it shoots through your heal, into your ankle and then explodes around your knee and then continues up into your hip each time you land.  I tried to bounce less but take longer strides, I tried to bend more in an effort to absorb the shock, in the end I looked like Michael McIntyre in his 'getting off the bus with pins and needles' sketch.  I was searching the road ahead of me for the flat bits, free of stones or twigs.

Eventually and miraculously we made it home, we'de been gone nearly 2 and a quarter hours, the same time it would have taken Paula Radcliffe to run a complete marathon.  It was then that I made a dreadful mistake - I got into a very hot bath, lovely at the time but boy, did I regret it later.  I felt so sick and had to spend the rest of the day horizontal on the sofa any thoughts of  tackling the ironing or cooking dinner forgotten, poor Mr Motivator, who did in the end thaw out, had to do dinner, light the fire and bring me water which for a long time was the only thing I could keep down.

I have managed today to do a very difficult 2 miles at lunch time and I've gone back to the bag to the frozen peas and ibuprofen in an effort to get ready for a half marathon next Sunday - that will be what? 13 miles and a few yards??.  The next weekend we have our first 'race' although I'm not racing anyone, I'm only going to get used to the gun!.

The Knock on the Door

Have to say that if ever you are feeling a bit lonely and longing for someone, anyone to knock on your door and say hello I have discovered a sure fire way of making that happen:  Put on the toughest workout DVD you can find, wear dirty trainers so that you need to tie plastic bags over them to protect your carpet, draw your curtains, move all the furniture and I guarantee when you reach the sweatiest, most breathless moment some random person will knock on your door - every time!.  If it's a delivery man it won't be the one that knocks once, waits a second, sticks the card through the door and goes, no, it will be the one who will look in your windows, hear the music and keep knocking until you answer the door.  I tried today, I really, really tried to do Nell's DVD, and I was going quite well although it's hard but that's the point.  I'de practically done a workout by the time I started by re-arranging the room.  Anyway, I completely lost my thread when I had to rip off the carrier bags and answer the door - I tried to explain but he just seemed to think I was completely mad!.  So it'll be back on the road tomorrow, at least there it's obvious what I'm doing, well I hope it is!.

Draft number 7 . . .

I think I must be loosing my touch, it's just not been flowing this week, I seem to have flowed out over Christmas!.  That's not to say the training hasn't been flowing, I did a massive 8.1 miles on Saturday which I have to say I was really chuffed with.  Mr Motivator came along on the bike - well until the last 2 miles anyway (saddle sore!!!!!) he reckons he might be able to register for the tour de france by the time I've done the marathon, I think he might need a new bike, preferably one with air in the tyres and brakes!.  Next Sunday I will be going for 10 miles which will be a huge achievement, I will then be more than a third of the way there and hopefully ready for the Reedham 10 mile race on the 29th, me, the coach and my running mate (maybe) are all registered, I just hope the marshals will be ready for a long day!.

Anyway, I have added another expert to my 'team' - Nell McAndrew, although I'm having a bit of trouble fitting her in right now but I do need to be adding a bit of 'cardio' training to my day, if only I could add a couple more hours too!

A little lesson learned

Whilst jogging/loping/running, even walking . . . look where you are going!

So, double whammy today, back to work and training at a whole new level.  I woke up, like most of the rest of the country, to torrential rain and hurricane strength winds.  Perfect excuse for a bit of lounge loping I thought.  Amazingly though, as I went to lunch, the sun came out, the rain stopped and the wind dropped, no room for excuses now, other than in the most extreme cases, so off I went.  On my own today.  I had my music for inspiration, the stop watch - timing, my phone, for emergencies and a tissue - I always have to have a tissue!.   Where on earth the water and jelly babies are going, I have no idea.  I wear gloves but can't operate the music or the stopwatch or indeed the tissue with them on.  I considered a Tesco's carrier but decided that would look silly so I developed a very complex system which involved the passing of items from pocket to hand, hand to mouth and back to the other pocket as I tried to operate all this equipment simultaneously.  Oddly, I couldn't seem to do this and maintain an even lope so set off down the track like an extra in Monty Python's silly walks sketch.  I hit the Mall still trying to find Olly on the music machine and avoid the many very large puddles.  It didn't take long before my feet were soaked and I was wondering if I maybe should have stayed in the lounge.

As I came along the road I saw someone I knew in one of the fields, he asked how I was doing so I had to pant back that I was fine and how was he 'fine now it's stopped raining' he said, as I loped past I continued to talk but of course he was behind me by now and what I failed to observe was that the grass verge changed shape 'yes' I laughed 'thought I had the perfect . . . . . . Aaaaarrrrrghhhhh' grass bank coming very quickly towards face!!!!! 'See you' he called.  I didn't look back but no doubt I brightened his day - what a complete twit, as if it's not hard enough I'm trying to hold a conversation and lope backwards!!.

Anyway, I managed a full 45 minutes which was possibly around 3 miles but I had a head wind much of the time so I was pleased.  Tomorrow is another step up and I may have to do it in 2 stages, not sure how I'll fit it in otherwise.  Oh and I shall be singing tomorrow night too which I'm looking forward to, just got to remember to point in the direction I'm going!!!.

Happy New Year

. . . so, it's 2012 and I would like to wish everyone who reads this blog a very, very happy, peaceful and prosperous new year.

I have started well, I've discovered that music is the way forward.  Since I've had my little music machine my mileage has really increased and in the last 48 hours I've loped 10 miles, I did a massive 5 miles yesterday - I'm not going to tell you how long it took but I'm looking at a sub-7hrs!!!.  but it doesn't matter, I've done 'silly season' these last few weeks and now I'm back to my marathon, my way and I've gone back to my original finish line crossing!.  Hopefully in time I might speed up just a bit but finishing at all is what it's all about - for me anyway.

I feel, as it's new years day that I need to say a few thank you's to the people who have dragged me, I mean, got me this far, so, taking last year from the start, here goes . . . and a surprise to begin with:

I would, honestly, like to thank Brian Barrett and Andrew Coe, without them I would never have fully appreciated what's truly good in my life.

And speaking of good, thank you to:

My Dad, who ran the marathon many years ago - for all his encouragement.

Michael Dann and Discord, for showing me that you don't need to be an expert (or even any good) at something to enjoy it and that singing is good for the soul.  I am a better person for singing.

Lucy and Hayley for all your tips, they really have helped.

Jan, for showing me that I need to be pushing to the next level.

My own Mr Motivator, you'll never know just how much strength you give me just by being there.

My boys, who laugh at me regularly and teach me that this really isn't that serious.

All the people who have sponsored me, they give me the drive to carry on.

Jeremy Kyle, for the 'Jeremy Kyle' moments I have when it's getting tough and I take myself back to the very beginning, loping in the lounge to his show.

To Olly Murs who's 'Dance with me Tonight' gets me through every extra mile.

My wonderful, amazing, beautiful coach, she has loped with me, laughed with me and encouraged me more than anyone and I will always cherish the time we have spent together.  I would advise any mum of a teenage daughter to get out and run with her.

To My brother Malcolm who taught me what true courage was and to the wonderful people at Isabel hospice who taught me about giving, they are my inspiration.

What an incredible team, how can I possibly fail over the next 3 and a bit months.

Thank you